How many f**ks should you actually give?

There, I got your attention. Here’s one of the most important lessons I’ve learnt in business... as well as in life. Simply put, always try and understand how much you feel you should care about any situation. I’ll explain...

Years ago, I was starting a new role, leading the team I had been part of. My boss was also new to the role and although he’d had glowing reviews and (if I do say so myself) a strong interview process, he didn’t seem quite sure. He knew I was effectively his first hire in post and that any mistakes would reflect badly on him. Sure enough, this caused him to feel the need to micro manage the situation.

Only a couple of weeks into my role, my boss was visiting from the US. He wanted to meet the team and invited along two of our SVP’s. I hadn’t met these individuals before and found the whole thing a little daunting. My boss was helpful, whilst also making clear that my performance would likely impact on my promotion being rubber stamped. Great - no pressure then!

I made the arrangements and all was going well. We managed to grab some time together, along with one of the SVP’s. To this point, I had only seen him on very professional videos. I quickly found myself at ease and allowed myself to breathe a little!

Then came the day of the team meeting. This was a group I had worked with both as a peer and a leader for a long time. A team who ALL had championed me to get the job. However, with my boss extremely eager to impress his own leaders, he seemed unable to let me run things alone.

As the morning wore on, I found myself feeling like a jibbering wreck. I could feel my team willing me on. Perhaps feeling sorry for me in the pressure of the moment. It was at this point I had an epiphany.

Everyone in that room wanted me to do well.

…but I wasn’t doing well.

The reason that I wasn’t doing well was simply that I was trying too hard! By worrying about the details and doing things my boss wanted me to do in order to be successful, I forgot one thing. I’m damn good at this stuff. I’m a confident speaker in front of most audiences and there are many reasons I was in the position I was. I’ve got this.

From that moment on, I vowed to be myself. To give less of a f**k about pleasing people with individual tasks, but to deliver the best outcome.

Straight away, the day changed for me. With me relaxed, I was able to focus on the purpose of getting together – information, collaboration and... fun! This was a really formative experience for me and one that continues to make me a better and better leader to this day. We all have those f**k it moments. Those moments of “I’m going to do what’s right and if they don’t like it they can fire me”. Back yourself, do what you feel. You got where you are for good reason.

You see, giving less of a f**k doesn’t mean not caring, it means being yourself.

And btw that boss became a big fan of mine and also a friend :)